TCF Logo

The Compassionate Friends
Blue ButterflyNorthern Lake County Illinois Chapter

TCF Logo
 


The Grieving Process

Grief is a normal response to loss.  But because most of us experience it deeply only a few times in our lives, it can be frightening and confusing.

Grief is a powerful and sometimes overwhelming experience.  It has both emotional and physical effects on us.

Because grief is such a personal process, there is no "right way" to grieve.  The important thing is to allow our feelings to flow and to talk - talk with someone who can really listen and allow us the time we need to talk or cry.  "Being strong" will only make matters more difficult.

To grieve is like suddenly being pushed into a cold and swiftly flowing river in which there are rapids and rocks and logs and other submerged objects.  As we are carried along in the current, we bump into things in the river.  Some of them hurt a lot and some are just annoying.  Just as not two persons floating in a river will bump into the exact same things, no two people who grieve will experience exactly the same things.  If we do the work of grief, we will be able to swim to the bank and climb out of the river.  

Normal Feelings During the Grieving Process

  • A feeling of numbness - no feelings at all.
  • A sense of abandonment and desolation.
  • A sense of protest - "No, this did not happen."
  • Loss of appetite, an empty feeling in the stomach or "nervous eating" even when not hungry.
  • Difficulty sleeping.
  • Guilt - awareness of aspects in the relationship that were less than perfect.
  • A feeling of "If only. . ."
  • Anger - at God, at the people around us, at the person who died for leaving us, at those who took care of the one who died, at things which did or did not happen in the relationship.
  • Restlessness and a desire to be busy, but difficulty in concentrating or finishing what is started.
  • Aimless activity and forgetfulness.
  • Wondering if you are "going crazy."
  • Searching for or expecting the loved one to walk in the door or call on the phone; hearing his or her voice; seeing his or her face; frequent dreaming about the loved one.
  • A need to tell and retell the details of the death.
  • Crying at unexpected times and experiencing mood changes for minor reasons.
  • A desire to remember and talk about life experiences with the loved one.
  • An awareness that other people are uncomfortable around us and don't know what to say for fear of "upsetting us."
  • A desire "not to be a bother" to other family members, while at the same time, needing to express the feelings of loss.
  • Difficulty enjoying special days, like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries and holidays.  Feelings of loss seem acute at these times.
  • Inability to feel comfortable in church.

It is important to cry and talk when we need to.  Some people are uncomfortable with tears and talk, so we must choose where and with whom to release our feelings.

The most important resource in the grieving process is a good listener - someone who will just let us talk.  this kind of person is not always easy to find.

If you are having difficulty dealing with your grief, please contact:

The Northern Lake County 

Illinois Chapter of

The Compassionate Friends

Jenny Selle
Bereaved mother
E-mail: jennyselle@yahoo.com

Maggie McGaughney
Bereaved mother
E-mail: maggieg00@hotmail.com

Vicki Szech
Bereaved mother and Newsletter Editor
E-mail: vszech@comcast.net

   

Home | Credo | Meetings | Newsletter | Map | Grieving Process | Remembrance | Candle Lighting | Affiliation | Donations

Small Monarch Butterfly Contact Chapter Leaders:  Jenny or RickSmall Monarch Butterfly

Page Last Updated: 09/03/2002
Page Viewed: Hit Counter